Getting Older

 

gettingolder

I’m currently taking a psychology class as part of my overall classes in college. It’s been pretty intense with regard as to how I see myself and life in general. Last week, I had to ask five people questions and one of them was: “What makes you happy?”.

I’ve been thinking long and hard about what my answer(s) would be. I also realized that I had to be brutally honest with myself about those answers. This year I will be forty-eight years old; 4-8. Two years shy of fifty (50). Hell I didn’t think I’d make it pass my teens with all that I was going through and yet here I am…

I’m not scared of getting “old”. What scares me is not living life the way I know it’s meant to be lived;which also includes not living up to my full potential. While talking about fears, let me share a few. I have a terrible fear of drowning.  When I was younger, a relative decided he would teach me to swim by throwing me out in the middle of deep water. I almost drowned that day. Considering I’d love to scuba dive, someone suggested I take swimming lessons. Feeling lonely is another fear. I’m not scared of being alone but I know what it’s like to feel lonely and I don’t ever want to experience that again.

For the longest I’ve always said/felt that life for me will begin at fifty (50). Why? I don’t know! It’s just a feeling I have. I see life as it is right now as a transitional phase. I’m getting to the point where I have a better understanding of myself; this psychology class is helping tremendously. I guess this is one of the reasons why we should never stop learning. Knowledge of oneself and others can be a meaningful and powerful thing.

I’m getting to a point where I’m learning that it’s okay to say no without guilt, even if it angers/upsets others. I’m also realizing that there are things that I enjoy doing that scares my husband and I appreciate the concern that he has for me and my safety. However, I just cannot live in fear like that. I  do know my limits and I’m willing to compromise to a certain point.  What makes you happy (as long as it doesn’t involve (lying, cheating, etc. ) or the things you enjoy doing, isn’t always going to sit well with others.

We went to an amusement park a few years back when we came across the ride below. I decided I was going to put my fear aside and get on it. I’m so glad that I did. It was scary for a hot second and once I just relaxed, OhMyGoodness. It was so freeing. I have always wanted to go skydiving and if not this year, then definitely next year. Video below…

Here’s to adventures, to life, to love and more…

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