I love me some me; from the inside out. However, as a result of gaining weight, losing weight, gaining weight, losing weight and surgeries, I don’t like one particular part of my body. That would be my lower stomach aka panniculus.

I have lost a total of 58.2 pounds with about 10 more pounds to go which would bring my total to 68.2. My goal weight is 180 which is what me and my plastic surgery agreed upon. I know that for my height, I should weigh around 140 but I’ve been at that size and it is not for me.

I have worked really hard at getting the weight off for the sake of me not developing full on diabetes and high blood pressure. Both run in my family (my father died from a heart attack) so I’ve seen what they can do. I’m not trying to go out like that if I have the ability to control both. Eating right, lowering my stress and exercising has proven that.

The outer appearance is just an added bonus when losing weight. With a significant weight loss, comes extra skin, and unfortunately for me, the only way to get rid of my panniculus is through surgery. It has shrunk quite a bit but it is still troublesome.

I’m not one aiming for a 6-pack or anything along those lines; my body has been through hell and back in every way imaginable. However, there are things that I can now do, that I couldn’t at a heavier weight without feeling as though I was about to pass the fuck out. I couldn’t walk up a flight of stairs without having to stop to catch my breath.

I’m very realistic about what a panniculectomy is not which is why I’ve been working on getting my visceral fat done and working on my core. Visceral fat, which is located within the abdominal cavity, can cause all sorts of problems. What Is Visceral Fat?

I am all for body positivity (in terms of you loving who you are but also taking care of your body). Everybody’s body is different. There’s a guy that goes to the gym that I do and looking at him, you wouldn’t know that he has a significant amount of visceral fat, which was leading to some health issues. You (general) + your doctor are the ones that know whether or not carrying too much weight or not enough is or will become an issue. It then becomes up to you doing what you need to do to take better care of yourself.

One thing that I do want to point out is that you don’t know what someone may be struggling with in terms of their weight or lack thereof. I dealt with bulimia and it took something scary to happen (almost chocking to death) which caused me to seek help. The bulimia started due to my abusive ass ex-husband.

So while, I’m a supporter of body positivity, I’m also a supporter of those doing plastic surgery; for the right reasons. Having it done to look like a celebrity is not cool. Having it done because society says having a big ass (especially as a Black woman) or big tits is not cool. Having it done because your significant other would find you more attractive, is not cool. Having it done because you think it’ll help with your self esteem, is not cool. If you aren’t loving yourself from the inside, no amount of surgery is going to fix your lack of self-esteem.

Even with my not liking my panni’s area, I still rock 2 piece bathing suits and anything else I feel like wearing because I love me some me. And I don’t wear shapewear either because I need to freaking breath and I ain’t got time to be fumbling round trying to get out of it if I need to go to the bathroom.

Once I’m down to 180, I’ll meet back up with my plastic surgeon. Insurance covers the panniculectomy, but not a tummy tuck since a tummy tuck is considered cosmetic surgery. There is an option to lose my belly button if it’ll remove more skin, which initially I wasn’t okay with. I thought losing that would mean losing some sort of connection to my mother since that was my life line to her while in her womb. I know! I know! My connection with her will always be there (I miss her terribly), so I’m okay with losing my belly button.

The website explains what a panniculectomy is.