I started feeling a little defeated dealing with this shoulder injury. I haven’t had a good nights sleep in days. The pain and weakness in my shoulder really sucks. I’ve been feeling angry, sad, frustrated and I’ve shed a few tears. The pain seems to be more intense at night and interesting enough when I learned more about shoulder impingement, the pain is worse at night. It’s suggested that you sleep on your back and I’m so not a back sleeper, but if it’ll help with the pain, then that’s what I’m going to try.

I would take the pain I had from my hysterectomy over this because that’s how bad the pain has been. I hate not being able to go to my gym to workout and then add in my other medical issues…..mentally, spiritually and emotionally, I was feeling defeated. Thinking to myself that I really must be a horrible person to keep going through shit.

My gym allows you to pause your membership, which is what I did today. There’s no sense in me paying for it when I cant go in and do what I enjoy going there to do. But, I did sign up at another gym so that I can at least get some exercising in; especially since it has either raining here like crazy or it’s too hot to be out walking. Plus hubs and I can workout together. He’s so not into the HIIT classes.

My plan is to keep my schedule as if I were attending the other gym; waking up at 5:30 a.m. so I’m at the gym at 6. I was given a list of exercises (from urgent care doctor) that are okay for me to do, and I start physical therapy next week. I can still work on my core and lower body while I’m recovering from this injury. I just need to listen to my body when I start feeling any type of pain in my shoulder.

Having feelings of defeat is normal and I had a bit of a pity party in my moment of defeat. What I came to realize is, in this moment of weakness (defeat), I need to be at my strongest. Otherwise, I’ll get discouraged and find myself back at 248.2 pounds and was gaining (currently at 189.2), pre-diabetic, pre-hypertensive and needing medication. I’m not trying to go backwards.

I have worked too hard (and pretty damn proud of myself) on this journey of getting my weight down. Also, knowing that I can control not becoming diabetic and having high blood pressure (through exercising, and eating right) is also my motivation to not give up just because I’m sidelined a bit from my regular exercises. This (shoulder injury) is a minor set-back, for a major comeback + I have a lot to be grateful for as well.

Giving up on myself is not an option.