Makeup – Makeover

The hubster needed some new clothes, so we headed over to the mall Saturday afternoon. While going into JC Penny, I noticed there was a Sephora. Talk about overwhelming cause who knew there was so much to choose from?!? I’ve only shopped online and since I knew exactly what I wanted, it never crossed my mind to check out the makeup

I’m not much of a makeup wearer but when I do use it, I go for a more natural look. Thank goodness there was an awesome consultant that helped me out in choosing what to buy.  I ended up changing lipstick color though from the one in the picture.  The hubster said the original color I’d chosen, looked blue and made my lips looked weird. I also returned the liquid foundation and exchanged for eye shadow instead. Plus I got some money refunded.

 

 

 

Review of the Movie – Courageous

I really enjoyed this movie and can relate in more ways then one. It reminded me of my struggles in dealing with my father growing up. I often wonder what my life would have been like had my father not been in my life – completely opposite of what this movie is about. Why? Because my father was not a very nice man, especially when it came to my mother who he would beat senseless sometimes. I remember him being someone who decided he wouldnt pay for us to have heat in the house which required us to take a bath – in a bucket – that we’d fill with hot water after boiling on the stove. I honestly believe my father was bipolar.

There was that part of me that hated him and a part of me that loved him. I will never have a concrete answer on whether my life would have been better had my father not been a part of it. I left home when I was 16 and not soon after, my father left my mother for another woman. I remember my father trying to reconnect with me prior to his death but I wasnt trying to hear it. He died without us having reconciled and I dealt with a lot of anger, hurt, saddness and guilt as a result. I finally found the courage and strength to visit my fathers grave and a sense of peace came over me in doing so but there are days….. I can only pray that my father made peace with himself and the Lord prior to his passing.

Our circumstances will either make or break us. Ive been at my lowest of lows ( a story in itself) and while I had no control over my life as a child, I do have control over my life as an adult. Being hurt is a part of life. There just isnt a way around it and more than likely, it’ll be at the hands of those closest to you. Ive learned a lot in my life and one thing is for sure – Ive made it this far through the grace of God. I know beyond ALL doubt that He has been with me and protected me in ways that would have others looking side ways considering what Ive gone through. I still have some issues to work through and others I have no desire in working through. If I did, that would result in taking away my being who I am as a woman and person and I refuse to live a life (like I used to) based on other peoples perceptions.

I am my mothers daughter – Im my fathers daughter too.

I highly recommend this movie….. Theres a document in movie which can be bought by clicking link – The Resolution

Hotel Living *300 sq ft of space*

There was more than one reason as to why I went this route. The main reason was for my sanity (sometimes you have to be SELFISH in order to maintain your sanity) which I may or may not elaborate more on later.

I looked at different options; another house, an apartment, mobile home, and a camper. What struck me the most about living here is paying one price which covers: electric (which thank goodness cause I run the a/c every.single. day – damn hot flashes), water and internet. We take the garbage down to the main dumpster. The downsides are: no dishwashers ( I love paper plates – lol), no oven but I’ve become pretty good at using our crock pot and toaster oven to make meals. And now-a-days, there are so many food items that can be microwaved. Yeah! Yeah! Also, the bed is in the same area as the living area.

We’re in a double but I took the other bed/mattress and put it behind our T.V. to give us more space. There’s an elevator here which is nice. Although I’ve been using the stairs more since I’ve been trying to get better at exercising. I’ve felt pretty safe being here and haven’t had any problems so far. As a matter of fact, there are some people that have been here for well over 2 years. There are some school aged children here and the school bus actually picks them up (and drops them off) at the front door of the hotel. There’s no garage, so when it rains or it’s cold – well yeah!!

Housekeeping comes about once a week but you can pay an extra fee if you need the services more than that. There’s a laundromat downstairs and you can exchange the linens/towels if need be. I prefer to wash my own though. I also have to remind the hubster about not having the sound up too loud when he’s gaming. Since we only have one T.V. – if I want to watch a movie, I either grab my tablet or watch on my laptop. I’m not a big T.V. watcher anyway but if I do, the only show that I’m interested in watching is Law and Order:SVU

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My Hysterectomy – Part 1

I knew that eventually I’d end up needing a hysterectomy due to the constant pain and heavy bleeding I was dealing with. I understood why my gyn suggested I try other options such as a uterine ablation because of the risk factors due to the multiple surgeries I had previously.  However, after doing research and learning that it may not even work, I made the final decision to have a hysterectomy. The date was set for July 22nd. First I had to go on Lupron in hopes of shrinking the multiple fibroids I had. I only had to take the one shot of Lupron and then the Lupron pills for about 3 weeks I believe.

The night before (July 21st) my surgery, I packed my bags with one of my favorite books to read – Winnie The Pooh. Id rather eat dirt than drink milk of magnesia EVER again and then finished my night with a big ole bowl of butter pecan ice cream. I also packed away my pads and tampons considering it would be the last time I’d need them.

SURGERY DAY!!!

We arrived pretty early – around 5am I think. I was able to talk with the anesthesiologists and made it known – again – to not give me morphine as I have a very bad reaction to it. Then it was just a matter of waiting to be rolled in once my doctor arrived.

The last thing I remember is being rolled out the room and my hubby giving me a kiss…

 

My First 5k

I was determined to do a 5k and finally completed one. I’ll be doing my 2nd one in Feb/2016. I had a lot of fun and having the proceeds go to a local charity made it that more awesome’r. It may have taken me a hot minute hour to do but I finished….Woohoo!!

I wasn’t too sure about wearing a tutu but did so anyway. Glad I did because I wasn’t the only one who wore one!

Saying Goodbye…

ETA: I’ve changed the original date of this post, which was: Jan 23, 2015, to today’s date. I’ve made the arrangements so that my late husband can have a final resting place. It’s been 7 years since his death and I think it’s time to give him a proper burial.

I have yet to give my late husband a final resting place. His ashes have been sitting inside his urn, in my closet, for 6 years now. I know this bothers the hubster as to why I’m still holding onto his ashes. There is one major thing as to why that has nothing to do with my not moving forward from his death. Something I wont get into here but at this point in my life, I have to stop worrying about how people think when they’ve mistreated me. Also, after giving him a final resting place, it will not cover up the void that remains – you don’t just “get over” a loss like that. Sure you move on but the void and pain is still there. People often compare the loss of a spouse, due to divorce, with the loss of a spouse ,due to death, as being the same. They are not the same. While I do agree that no one gets married just to get a divorce and yes you grieve from that sense of loss, it’s still not the same as losing a spouse to death.

Divorce is a Choice. Death is Not.

Does that mean I love the hubster any less because I still grieve over the loss of my late husband? Certainly not. When I post on social media, it’s usually during Veterans Day. I was a military spouse (to different people – gaah that sounds so bad) for over 20 yrs., so it’s just natural for me to remember my late husband on that day especially.

The flag was given to me after my late husband passed. I still have his dog tag and the heart shaped box contains some of his and my mommy’s ashes. I’m hoping that the hubster follows my wishes as I want the ashes in the container, mixed with mine should I pass before him. I know that may seem morbid to some but not to me.

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If you are a widow – this is a great place to connect with other widows – Camp Widow

First Post of 2015

HAPPY “belated” NEW YEARS!!

This will just be updates of sorts

Around Christmas, the passing of my mom really hit me and I mean hard. Some days I cannot believe it’s been over a year because it seems as though it just happened. I have to look at old posts on FB and the dates of pictures to see what has happened over the last 2 years cause it all seems such a blur.

I had our home internet disconnected for a week, which didn’t really go over too well with the hubster cause I did so without telling him. I also deactivated my FB account. Something happened between us over Christmas and it was pretty bad. All I can say about that is – I learned a lot during that week break.  (1) Have a life outside of your spouse (2) You cant rely on anyone else to provide you with happiness (3) You cant fight for something if the other party isn’t willing to fight as well (4) Life is too fucking short or long – depending on how one looks at it.

Also, I didn’t realize how much being on the internet – whether it was researching, reading different blogs, being on social media, etc was taking up so much of my time that could have been spent doing other things I deem important towards my being happy and fulfilled. Not to mention I was actually getting to bed at a decent hour. The internet has been on for 2 days now and it’s so easy to fall back into old behavior which is why Im so happy that Im filling up my time away from being on the computer for an insane amount of time every day.

I think I/we’ve found a church. So far, I’m really loving it. On the 24th, I will be attending – Project One Women’s Gathering. What is it about? Project One is a gathering of women from different backgrounds, communities & churches – coming together – to be united as one voice.

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It’s Ok – To Not Be Ok!

Last Sunday, it was as though God was speaking to me to get up and go to this particular church. I know it may seem crazy but every single time Ive heard Him speaking to me regarding church, it was something that I needed to hear while in church.

Ive been having a REALLY hard time with my mommy’s death. I knew I wasn’t “over it” but I truly thought I had dealt with it. The other day I had a really bad trigger which almost caused me to have a wreck. The trigger? It was a song by – The Temptations. A Christmas song called – Silent Night. I have a love-hate relationship with that song.

See, my dad was the type that sometimes I knew when we’d be having a great day and when we’d be having a day from hell. Sometimes I just couldn’t tell with him though. My dad didn’t always take off from beating my mom just because it was Christmas. Did we ever not get anything? Nope! Sometimes we received things from them that they had bought and other times, it was given to us from various organizations, such as The Salvation Army. If he happened to beat her on Christmas Day (usually in the mornings), we’d go through the usual process (he’d beat her, Id do whatever I could to make him stop, while my younger siblings hid (sometimes I did as well) or ran for the neighbors. After it was over, my mom would pull herself together. We’d open presents, she’d make this huge Christmas dinner, we’d play, eat and then go to bed.

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Chicken Marsala. This is so good…

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FOR THE CHEESE STUFFING:

1/2 cup smoked provolone or gouda cheese ( I used provolone)
8 ounces shredded mozzarella cheese
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1 teaspoon fresh garlic, minced
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper
2 tablespoons sun-dried tomato flakes, if in oil, drain first (Make sure its well drained)
1/3 cup sour cream
1/2 teaspoon salt and pepper

FOR THE CHICKEN:
2 pounds Skinless boneless chicken breasts
4 ounces cooking oil
2 cups flour
salt and pepper, to taste

FOR THE SAUCE:
1 small onion, chopped
6 cups button mushrooms, thinly sliced ( I dont like mushrooms, so I didnt add any)
2 to 4 ounces Marsala wine
8 ounces heavy cream

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F

Continue reading “Chicken Marsala. This is so good…”

Not So Random Pictures!

I so love capturing moments of my family, among other things. This morning I came across so many photos that are on our desk top that I need to transfer over. I should seriously be doing some type of backup as well.

Part of my blogs name is – Now Healing/Healed. I want others to see that you can have a life after having endured some horrible things and that you can heal from it. No, that doesn’t mean the scars don’t remain, it just means that you’ve taken the steps necessary to be – Happy!

Yes, we are a family that does Halloween.

Halloween 2011. Picking out pumpkins.
Trunk or Treat at our church at the time. 2011
Birthday party at the skating rink for one of my (step)sons. He’s on the left, in the white t-shirt, behind me. 2012
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He’s a keeper…LOL!

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