Yesterday I received news that my sister had passed. I’m still attempting to wrap my head around her dying.
Tony is 12 years older than I am and we pretty much grew up together. She had some disabilities due to being hit by a car when she was young. However, she was smart as all get out, funny, and didn’t hesitate to tell you off either. We definitely had our share of fights because I didn’t like being told what to do. I still have the scar of her slamming my finger in the door. Of course we always made up because that’s what you do as sisters.
I think we owe not having black knees because of her (lol). She didn’t play about us not taking baths. Even now when I take my showers, I make sure to scrub my knees. She didn’t play when it came to her money. If you weren’t contributing to the household, financially, you got an ear full from her about using too much water, washing your clothes, etc. If you messed up, you cleaned up, which is something we all owe to our momma. I don’t think there was anyone that didn’t love her (my sister) though.
She was told she would never have children but went on to have 3. Two of her 3 children were killed in a devastating fire at our momma’s house and Tony was never the same after that.
This was supposed to have been written before the new year. But better late than never I suppose…
There’s really no way to (perfectly) describe the sadness I (still) feel of my mom’s passing. It’s even harder when the holidays roll around. However, I was determined to make the most of Christmas for the sake of my (step)children.
Reality started to set in the day before Christmas. The hubster put on some Christmas music but deep down I was wishing he’d stop playing it. Some of the songs triggered memories – some good and some bad. The bad meaning that my dad didn’t care if it was the holidays or not when it came to him physically abusing my mom. But my mom being who she was, through her bruises and pain, always prepared a nice hot breakfast Christmas day (if he beat her the night before) and made sure we had a pretty decent Christmas as kids. I ended up crying in the bathroom. I was happy when the hubster finally stopped playing Christmas music.
I wrote a post on Facebook in memory of my mom – the day before Christmas and I’m still a bit sad at that point. I was eating cereal that had cranberries in it and was removing them as Im not a fan of cranberries. About 6 minutes after posting the memorial to my mom, I came across a cranberry that, to me, looked like a heart. I swear in an instant it seems, a sense of calmness washed over me. I could feel my mommy’s presence and so I decided to pull myself together. Yes, I do believe in (guardian) angels.
There was more than one reason as to why I went this route. The main reason was for my sanity (sometimes you have to be SELFISH in order to maintain your sanity) which I may or may not elaborate more on later.
I looked at different options; another house, an apartment, mobile home, and a camper. What struck me the most about living here is paying one price which covers: electric (which thank goodness cause I run the a/c every.single. day – damn hot flashes), water and internet. We take the garbage down to the main dumpster. The downsides are: no dishwashers ( I love paper plates – lol), no oven but I’ve become pretty good at using our crock pot and toaster oven to make meals. And now-a-days, there are so many food items that can be microwaved. Yeah! Yeah! Also, the bed is in the same area as the living area.
We’re in a double but I took the other bed/mattress and put it behind our T.V. to give us more space. There’s an elevator here which is nice. Although I’ve been using the stairs more since I’ve been trying to get better at exercising. I’ve felt pretty safe being here and haven’t had any problems so far. As a matter of fact, there are some people that have been here for well over 2 years. There are some school aged children here and the school bus actually picks them up (and drops them off) at the front door of the hotel. There’s no garage, so when it rains or it’s cold – well yeah!!
Housekeeping comes about once a week but you can pay an extra fee if you need the services more than that. There’s a laundromat downstairs and you can exchange the linens/towels if need be. I prefer to wash my own though. I also have to remind the hubster about not having the sound up too loud when he’s gaming. Since we only have one T.V. – if I want to watch a movie, I either grab my tablet or watch on my laptop. I’m not a big T.V. watcher anyway but if I do, the only show that I’m interested in watching is Law and Order:SVU
I so love capturing moments of my family, among other things. This morning I came across so many photos that are on our desk top that I need to transfer over. I should seriously be doing some type of backup as well.
Part of my blogs name is – Now Healing/Healed. I want others to see that you can have a life after having endured some horrible things and that you can heal from it. No, that doesn’t mean the scars don’t remain, it just means that you’ve taken the steps necessary to be – Happy!