The hubster needed some new clothes, so we headed over to the mall Saturday afternoon. While going into JC Penny, I noticed there was a Sephora. Talk about overwhelming cause who knew there was so much to choose from?!? I’ve only shopped online and since I knew exactly what I wanted, it never crossed my mind to check out the makeup
I’m not much of a makeup wearer but when I do use it, I go for a more natural look. Thank goodness there was an awesome consultant that helped me out in choosing what to buy. I ended up changing lipstick color though from the one in the picture. The hubster said the original color I’d chosen, looked blue and made my lips looked weird. I also returned the liquid foundation and exchanged for eye shadow instead. Plus I got some money refunded.
This body has endured: Domestic violence, rape, sexual abuse, infertility, multiple surgeries to become pregnant, multiple miscarriages, multiple (and obvious failed) suicide attempts. This body has cared for more people than it can count. This body has carried the weight of those who could no longer walk and this body is dealing with hypothyroidism, which makes it difficult – not impossible but difficult – to lose weight. My second belly button is the result of having to be cut open to repair my intestine, which was injured during an attempt to ‘clean up” my uterus.
Some may look at the picture – My body and say: Gross!
I look at this picture – My body and see a – Survivor!
Les, my late husband, had been having headaches that just wouldn’t go away. Very unusual for him as this was someone who rarely had a cold. One day while at school, he lost feeling in his legs and had to be carried to his car. I don’t remember if someone drove him to Urgent Care or if he met me there. Anywho, we were told we needed to go to the E.R of an hospital instead.
Once at the E.R., they ran the usual C scan, etc. I remember saying to the doctor – Youre joking right? – after he informed us there was “something” on the C-scan and that an ambulance would be transferring him to another hospital. I remember the lights flashing from the ambulance as I sped behind it. Its so funny ’cause after we reached the hospital, Les said that one of the paramedics asked if he owned a black truck to which he responded yes…The paramedic then replied….I think that’s your wife behind us and they all bust out laughing.
I remember your strong work ethic. I remember being dead dog tired sometimes and mad that we’d work late into the night until we got the job at hand done. I didn’t understand then but I understand why – now.
I remember being pissed that you had ripped up my favorite skirt It was way too tight and short for a girl my age but I understand why you did what you did – now
I remember you always advising me that forgiveness isn’t for the person you need to forgive. It’s so you don’t hold onto the anger and hurt which could be detrimental to how you spend the rest of your life. I never really understood how you could forgive so easily but I understand why – now
I remember you telling me that every decision I make has consequences whether good or bad. That I would have to live with the decisions I make and Id better be ready to deal with the outcome. I understand a lot better – now
I remember so many things that you tried to teach me that I fully didn’t comprehend at the time. The older I become – the more I understand the why’s and how’s of your advice.
I’m a survivor. The cut to the right is of my(failed) attempt to end my life. Several times before that, it was via pills. I don’t know why I was allowed to live while so many others have died. I don’t judge as I know what it is like to feel helpless and hopeless. Hugs to those of you who are struggling with depression. Rest In Paradise to those who no longer are ❤
Let me start off by writing that I am not an overly religious person. In fact, Im more spiritual than I am religious. I’m not here to debate how and why I feel the way that I do. I know what works for me.
My only wish (goal) is to maybe help and inspire others who are and/or have gone through situations that makes you say – what the hell?!?
I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know why seemingly good people are faced with some of the most tragic things no-one should ever have to endure. I don’t know why seemingly bad people “have it all”. I don’t question why anyone attempts suicide. Ive been there (many times) so I know better than to judge.
Life is Life.
I try to be as positive as I can be because I know that one day, I will never have to endure the hurts and pains any longer cause Lord willing, I will be with my Heavenly Father.
My father was a very abusive man. I cant even begin to write all that he put my mother and our family through,. My father has been gone for about 20 years I suppose. He seems to visit me in my dreams but I still have the nightmares of all that he put my mom and our family through. Im still working on trying to forgive him. My Letter To My Father…
Daddy, I do not understand why you caused the kind of pain that you did towards mommy. I dont understand why you caused so much pain within our family. I dont understand how one moment you were this man that was a loving father and husband but then in the blink of an eye, became this evil, EVIL man that beat the crap out of a woman that did absolutely nothing to deserve it, nobody deserves to be beaten like that. EVER.
Every night when I close my eyes, I cannot get out my mind the day you tried chasing her down with a fucking knife. I had seen you pissed before but not like this. I cant stop thinking about the end result had our neighbors NOT been home to let her in. I am ANGRY at you dad…ANGRY and HURT by your actions back then. Do you have any idea how many times I wished you would just drop dead?
Its hard to believe that at one time, the daughter you called ‘daddys little girl’, would be the one to end up hating you. How could you let it even come out your mouth that I was a slut cause you assumed I was ‘helping’ mommy to cheat when you knew damn well all we did was work. We found the pictures you took when youd ‘stalk us’ while we were out working. That should have told your ass something.
It was your behavior that led me towards a man (my first husband) that was just like you, abusive. It was your behavior that led me to become an alcoholic, suicidal, sleeping with men cause I didnt love myself enough but ya know what?? Im NOT that person anymore. I had no control over those things but I do NOW.
I have a wonderful life and its time for me to let go of the things Ive been hanging onto for so long. Ive allowed this hatred towards you control me and I cant do that anymore. Its going to take some time to work through all of these emotions but “I” will get there.
Considering we were foster parents last year, only to have him removed (without warning) because we didn’t do as the bio mom asked us – the video below stirs so many emotions. I will blog about that at a later time.
Would I ever do it again? Maybe – but Id definitely make sure there was no (personal) contact with the bio parent(s). I pray often for Liam and the countless children who have to go through the system of foster care.