Christmas 2017

I’m determined to make the most of this Christmas. It’s still so very hard to know that my mom isn’t here, then I lost my sister this year on top of other issues that have been going on this year.

Praying that 2018 is better.

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The Cranberry and Christmas 2015

This was supposed to have been written before the new year. But better late than never I suppose…

There’s really no way to (perfectly) describe the sadness I (still) feel of my mom’s passing. It’s even harder when the holidays roll around. However, I was determined to make the most of Christmas for the sake of my (step)children.

Reality started to set in the day before Christmas. The hubster put on some Christmas music but deep down I was wishing he’d stop playing it. Some of the songs triggered memories – some good and some bad. The bad meaning that my dad didn’t care if it was the holidays or not when it came to him physically abusing my mom. But my mom being who she was, through her bruises and pain, always prepared a nice hot breakfast Christmas day (if he beat her the night before) and made sure we had a pretty decent Christmas as kids.  I ended up crying in the bathroom. I was happy when the hubster finally stopped playing Christmas music.

I wrote a post on Facebook in memory of my mom – the day before Christmas and I’m still a bit sad at that point. I was eating cereal that had cranberries in it and was removing them as Im not a fan of cranberries. About 6 minutes after posting the memorial to my mom, I came across a cranberry that, to me, looked like a heart. I swear in an instant it seems, a sense of calmness washed over me. I could feel my mommy’s presence and so I decided to pull myself together. Yes, I do believe in (guardian) angels.

I know what I felt when I came across what looks to me like a heart shaped cranberry

Continue reading “The Cranberry and Christmas 2015”

Christmas 2015

The holidays are still very difficult for me to deal with since the passing of my mommy. Some days Im able to deal with her not being here and other days, it will hit me that she isn’t. Recently, I remembered that I did indeed used to crawl into bed with her, before I became an adult, to watch her do crossword puzzles and eat Oreo cookies. Those were her favorites and she would also add a slice of cheese on top.

I was determined to make the most out of the holidays this year. I know my mommy would want me to. Especially since I have (step)children. Since we’re currently living in a hotel, I wasnt sure how I’d pull off decorating, let alone having a Christmas tree in here. After moving some stuff around, I was able to pull it off. Im pretty happy about it!

Next year, God willing all goes well, I will be determined to have a Christmas – family – picture made. I’ve yet to have professional photos made.