Let me start off by writing that I am not an overly religious person. In fact, Im more spiritual than I am religious. I’m not here to debate how and why I feel the way that I do. I know what works for me.
My only wish (goal) is to maybe help and inspire others who are and/or have gone through situations that makes you say – what the hell?!?
I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know why seemingly good people are faced with some of the most tragic things no-one should ever have to endure. I don’t know why seemingly bad people “have it all”. I don’t question why anyone attempts suicide. Ive been there (many times) so I know better than to judge.
Life is Life.
I try to be as positive as I can be because I know that one day, I will never have to endure the hurts and pains any longer cause Lord willing, I will be with my Heavenly Father.
So on that note…
Continue reading “I Asked God…”
My father was a very abusive man. I cant even begin to write all that he put my mother and our family through,. My father has been gone for about 20 years I suppose. He seems to visit me in my dreams but I still have the nightmares of all that he put my mom and our family through. Im still working on trying to forgive him. My Letter To My Father…
I do not understand why you caused the kind of pain that you did towards mommy. I dont understand why you caused so much pain within our family. I dont understand how one moment you were this man that was a loving father and husband but then in the blink of an eye, became this evil, EVIL man that beat the crap out of a woman that did absolutely nothing to deserve it, nobody deserves to be beaten like that. EVER.
Every night when I close my eyes, I cannot get out my mind the day you tried chasing her down with a fucking knife. I had seen you pissed before but not like this. I cant stop thinking about the end result had our neighbors NOT been home to let her in. I am ANGRY at you dad…ANGRY and HURT by your actions back then. Do you have any idea how many times I wished you would just drop dead?
Its hard to believe that at one time, the daughter you called ‘daddys little girl’, would be the one to end up hating you. How could you let it even come out your mouth that I was a slut cause you assumed I was ‘helping’ mommy to cheat when you knew damn well all we did was work. We found the pictures you took when youd ‘stalk us’ while we were out working. That should have told your ass something.
It was your behavior that led me towards a man (my first husband) that was just like you, abusive. It was your behavior that led me to become an alcoholic, suicidal, sleeping with men cause I didnt love myself enough but ya know what?? Im NOT that person anymore. I had no control over those things but I do NOW.
I have a wonderful life and its time for me to let go of the things Ive been hanging onto for so long. Ive allowed this hatred towards you control me and I cant do that anymore. Its going to take some time to work through all of these emotions but “I” will get there.