Getting Older

 

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I’m currently taking a psychology class as part of my overall classes in college. It’s been pretty intense with regard as to how I see myself and life in general. Last week, I had to ask five people questions and one of them was: “What makes you happy?”.

I’ve been thinking long and hard about what my answer(s) would be. I also realized that I had to be brutally honest with myself about those answers. This year I will be forty-eight years old; 4-8. Two years shy of fifty (50). Hell I didn’t think I’d make it pass my teens with all that I was going through and yet here I am…

I’m not scared of getting “old”. What scares me is not living life the way I know it’s meant to be lived;which also includes not living up to my full potential. While talking about fears, let me share a few. I have a terrible fear of drowning.  When I was younger, a relative decided he would teach me to swim by throwing me out in the middle of deep water. I almost drowned that day. Considering I’d love to scuba dive, someone suggested I take swimming lessons. Feeling lonely is another fear. I’m not scared of being alone but I know what it’s like to feel lonely and I don’t ever want to experience that again.

Continue reading “Getting Older”

We Are Our Worst Critic…

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Within the last 3 months or so, I’ve gained at least 20 lbs. It could be a combination of my medical issues –  Hypothyroidism. My Hysterectomy  – Note to self: Make appointment to have levels checked since I’m on hormonal medication. My not eating healthy which includes my addiction to soda at times. Not exercising…

Previously to my taking note of my weight gain, I was already feeling down in the dumps as I have never been this overweight before. However, I’ve never been one to shy away from taking pictures and posting them (online), regardless as to what I’m wearing. When it comes to wearing certain clothing in public – now. Not happening! No sir reeeee!!!

I’d bought a pretty swimsuit at Wal-Mart awhile back. I wore it to take a picture in  and then only wore the top out. I have NEVER worn a bikini (the bottom) before (let alone in public) but I bought this particular swimsuit that has it. I kept telling myself that I was going to step out of my comfort zone (eventually) and wear it in public. That time came over the weekend when the hubster and I went down to the pool to swim.

I recently did a semi-chop to my hair, so excuse the wild hair look *smiling*. Hoping I can stay on this natural hair journey because relaxers seem to be killing my hair.

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Continue reading “We Are Our Worst Critic…”

Time

It has become (painfully) aware to me that I’m not using my time effectively. Every day I lose about 4 – 5 hours because I’m sleeping. It’s a combination of my medical issues and going to bed late. By the time I wake up (around noon and as late as 2 p.m.) half the day is already gone.

So what does one need to do to change this? Plan!

I will be printing this out to place on fridge

Monday – Friday

  • Make sure to eat breakfast when I fix the hubster his.
  • Do whatever chores need to be done.
  • Zumba on the Xbox
  • Check emails and social media. Respond if necessary.
  • Snack
  • Spend 1 – 2 hours on classwork.
  • Shower
  • Eat lunch
  • Take nap if feeling tired and not feel guilty about it
  • Spend time blogging, working on organization (not giving up on this) reading or anything “fun” that I enjoy doing.
  • Start dinner around 5 p.m, so we can eat between 6 p.m. – 6:30 p.m.
  • Watch an episode or 2 of Lost.  Will catch up with Lost in our bedroom on weekends that we have kids 
  • Head to gym around 7:30 p.m. Hoping to do at least 4 times a week
  • Shower after getting home around 8 p.m or shower at gym.
  • Make sure house is tidy before bed
  • Climb into bed to: read, watch a movie or play a board game with the hubster
  • Hoping to be asleep around 10 p.m.

Continue reading “Time”

Not So Randomness!

School is becoming stressful but I’m keeping my eyes on the prize.

My mind is so cluttered right now.  I think I may need Yoga in my life like for real.  Usually when I’m feeling this way it’s because I’m not as close with God as I should be.

A trip the hubster and I had planned for our 4 year wedding anniversary, had to be cancelled. Getting my degree is one of the top priorities for me at the moment. At least he’s had some much needed time off from work. We haven’t killed (figure of speech) each other, so that says a lot. Ha!

Before heading out to dinner to celebrate our 4 year wedding anniversary. I always notice just how short I am when I stand next to him.

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I’m really loving our apartment and the complex. Now if they’d fix the damn treadmills that are broken, I’d be even happier. We’ve yet to try out the pool but maybe this weekend cause it’s hot than a mutha here in Florida!  The tenants above us though. I swear they have heavy feet cause damn…

I’ve gained 20 lbs in 3 months. I want some answers when I see my doctor on the 14th. I also have some new symptoms that have popped up. One being my need to constantly tinkle.

This year I’ll turn 47 years old. I count my blessings often that I’m still living and breathing because when I look back on my life…

I’m getting back into meal prepping. I HATE to cook and found this site that wont make it so bad to do so. My Body. My Kitchen

I’ve found that I cuss way more than I should since I started college. I’m still a f*cking lady though…LOL! That comedian, Adele Givens, came to mind for some reason as I started typing.

I miss my mom so very much. I still get hit with the reality (even though it’s been almost 3 years since her death) at times that she is no longer here and it’s hard to wrap my head around that.

My vision board

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Coming Soon! A New Location (Home well Apartment)

We’ve been at our current spot for the last 7, almost 8 months. You can read about that – here.

I went back and forth on whether we should rent a house (not really interested in buying) or renting an apartment. After much prayer and based on some issues from the past, I chose apartment living – for now.  I started putting in applications at a few locations and was approved for the 1st one I applied to a few days later. Thrilled would be an understatement.

Crazy thing is, I only knew what the floor plan was like via the website and what the apartment actually looked like in the inside by doing searches via Google. I was very pleased by what I saw. One night, the hubster and I did a drive by to check out the location and surroundings. We, especially him, loved the location and it doesn’t hurt that we are near just about everything such as restaurants, the mall, etc. Score!

Monday, I had an appointment with my endocrinologist and after visiting my doctor and eating lunch, the hubster suggested we stop by to see our new apartment (we’re scheduled to move in the middle of the month) and I’m so happy that we did. I’m loving that it has an exercise room that’s open 24 hrs a day, a pool and considering that I’m Black, I don’t think I will need the use of a tanning bed (ha) although I do get some killer tan lines (whistles at myself).  Continue reading “Coming Soon! A New Location (Home well Apartment)”

Productive Day Today

I took the time today to respond to emails. I was able to figure out some things for my meet-up next month which I’m super excited and nervous about. My plan, later down the line, is to also include those who have young daughters and/or nieces. I really want these meet-ups to be one of empowerment/encouragement not only for the adults, but the children as well. I didn’t have a mother-daughter relationship (growing up) with my mom in the sense of us sitting down to have (girl) talks or going out for mommy-daughter time. That didn’t happen until I was much, much older.

I had to run to Wal-Mart last night and bought a super comfy skirt and shirt which I will pair with a jacket, since the shirt is basically a tank top. I absolutely love pearl necklaces and as a Southurn girl, you can never have too many. I found a super cute set – earrings and necklace, last night. Tomorrow, I will attempt to do my makeup and hair. I may need to go watch a view videos on Youtube so I don’t end up looking like a clown. Ha!  I’m really excited to start dressing up as an adult. LOL!!

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Now I sit here, wishing that the hubster was home. Even though we’re struggling and pretty much do our own thing when he is here, I like having him close by.  I ordered some pizza, which I’m eating and I’m about to put some papers together to hand out at the meet-up.

It’s All Starting To Come Together

I’ve been doing some major research and planning so that I’m not thrown for too much of a loop. I have to be organized in some way and having a binder helps. Especially since I will be utilizing public transportation which will limit the amount I carry in my backpack. I’m sure the first few weeks days  (of my walking from the bus stop to the office) will be rough and tough cause I haven’t exercised in well over a month….*sigh*

Aside from all things related to my organization, I also wanted to start having a meet-up, maybe once a month that would include women that I personally know that have been through it – emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. Maybe if this takes off, it will go beyond this initial stage with more women joining in. That would be totally awesome. I know it can be difficult when you have a bunch of women together but I’m hoping to form a sisterhood that focuses on empowering and encouraging each other. There will be no tolerance for drama and gossip. If disagreements arise, I would hope that we’re all mature enough to handle them as an adult and remember that not everyone will always agree. I’m all for constructive criticism but blatant disrespect, won’t be tolerated either.

Luckily my office has a really nice, large meeting room and I’ve contacted the person that I need to, to set aside a date for next month to hold my 1st meet-up. Only those who receive an invite will be allowed to come as I want this to be a safe place to meet-up as well.

Things are starting to fall into place and I’m pretty happy about that….

*Click  Picture(s) To Enlarge Photos*

 

My Purpose

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As a survivor of domestic violence, rape and sexual abuse, I’ve always known that I didn’t want what I’ve gone through, to be in vain. I wanted to use what I’ve gone through as a way to raise awareness, help victims become survivors and much more.

I decided to take a training course (yrs ago but I stay up-to-date, especially on legal issues) so that I could provide support to women who  had gone to the emergency room as a result of rape. I sat in with the victim to offer support and then provided an envelope with valuable resources. It was hard, emotionally, on my first call as I know what it’s like to be on the other side. To be pocked, asked questions, photographed and prodded as the SANE nurse collected samples/evidence. The only reason I had to stop volunteering was due to my (late) husbands battle with brain cancer.

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2016 – I Will Not

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When I say the last 2 yrs have been trying. I mean they have been trying. Especially with the  passing of my mom in 2013.

During the last year or so, I have learned a lot about myself through different experiences and realizing that I need to break the cycle that I usually find myself in. With that came the realization that I need help. As in professional help. I’ve found a counselor and just waiting to be emailed back regarding insurance.  So with that, in 2016 – I Will Not…

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Christmas 2015

The holidays are still very difficult for me to deal with since the passing of my mommy. Some days Im able to deal with her not being here and other days, it will hit me that she isn’t. Recently, I remembered that I did indeed used to crawl into bed with her, before I became an adult, to watch her do crossword puzzles and eat Oreo cookies. Those were her favorites and she would also add a slice of cheese on top.

I was determined to make the most out of the holidays this year. I know my mommy would want me to. Especially since I have (step)children. Since we’re currently living in a hotel, I wasnt sure how I’d pull off decorating, let alone having a Christmas tree in here. After moving some stuff around, I was able to pull it off. Im pretty happy about it!

Next year, God willing all goes well, I will be determined to have a Christmas – family – picture made. I’ve yet to have professional photos made.